


Do me a favour

by Ocp



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, First Meetings, Nonbinary Character, The Iceberg Lounge, edie is nb, idk how tags work and im having a horrible time, os should stab me, some ocs get hurt in a somewhat graphic way i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28415745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocp/pseuds/Ocp
Summary: It's new years eve, and why not end the year with a bang, and a little shift of Gotham's power balance.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Oswin Cobblepot /Edith Nygma, Penguin / Riddler - Relationship, Riddlebird
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always thank you Conner for indulging me, and thanks to Milk this is actually beta'd!!! (take 50000 for the team you did)  
> -  
> Wrote this because I am trying to be the change I want to see in the world. Hence / vaguely gestures / blood, chaotic les beans, and wildly specific lounge headcanons.

Whatever song was playing over the PA was hard to make out over the patrons’ constant chatter, the clanking of silverware, and the never ending stream of hushed whispers between the waiters. When Oswin closed her eyes and focused single words could be made out, but so could be the very, very distant clanking of pots from the kitchen downstairs. 

The dining area had been stripped of its seating arrangements, and closed off for the night. It would serve as a stage for a light show later, using the penguin's dome as the centerpiece. The upstairs lounge and bar would grant a marvelous view of the spectacle. 

Oswin felt as though she could even hear the mechanical whir of the cooling department tonight. 

Maybe it was just her imagination playing tricks, making everything loud and overbearing, looking for an excuse to retreat to her office, shut the door and let Lina Cavaleri's voice lull her in fully and completely. Spending the rest of the night in blissful ignorance of the dealings that awaited her attention, and having a 'normal' new years eve. Maybe. Or maybe it was time to attend to that one dreaded, last meeting, and shove the neverending pleasantries aside.

Slowly peeling the Martini olive from its toothpick with her teeth, she let her eyes wander over the bartenders, one by one, taking some time to appreciate the new year's uniforms she had chosen for them. Skimpy as they might be, the staff had agreed that this was the easiest way to collect tips for the night. 

The men were sporting naked torsos, stars plastered over their chests, with detached collars and golden bow ties around their necks, as well as shirt cuffs adorning their wrists; while the women were wearing bunny suits with much the same accessories. Trousers and skirts were left to the staff's discretion, as long as the color (blue) and the fabric (shiny) were in tune with the ensemble. The regular waiters serving the downstairs dining area were wearing their usual dark blue attire with golden accents, scurrying from table to table, only serving drinks and the occasional snack tonight. 

The bouncers were working in higher numbers throughout the upper area of the lounge, just in case any customers mistook the personnel's get up as anything other than a professional work attire, or the enthusiasm of new resolutions got out of hand. 

Personally she didn't mind being known for having eccentric tastes, the kind which some of the elites sneered at. Their offspring were lining her pockets regardless, and the reputation of being the place to walk the tightrope between clandestine and exclusive was something she was proud of holding. 

So when she pushed herself off the bar and aligned herself for a short jump from the stool, she paid the scurrying flash of color in her peripheral no mind. The ending of the year brought in all kinds of clientele.

***   
  


Edie ran one hand through their hair, trying to comb it down further, holding their bowler in the other. Nervously checking their reflection in the gilded bathroom mirrors, they felt awfully out of place. The suit was cut sharp, but somehow the feeling of being an impostor still clung to their hunched shoulders, wearing clothes that didn't belong to them, in a place they did not belong in. 

Whatever the case, no turning back now. They slipped into a stall that had just emptied out and locked the door behind themselves. Running their fingers behind the tank, some of the tension eased right out of their body, when they were met with the cool metal outlines of the little device they had installed last night. One of many. As long as seven made it through sweeps and drunk patrons ripping them off, everything would work out just fine. Better than fine. Perfect. 

A small giggle made its way through their body. Quickly trying to cover the noise they slapped a hand over their mouth. Then again, it wouldn't be that out of the ordinary in a night like this. Judging from the noise of the other stalls, fellow patrons had far more emotional outbursts in these secluded halls. 

Far more invigorated than before, they sat the bowler back on their head, unlocked the door, gave themselves a one over and shot the next person stumbling through the door a wink.

***

“Yes, you did a nice job with the interior. Very… cute.” 

Pressing her lips together, Oswin forced a sweet smile “Why, thank you. That means so much coming from you, Don Tonio.”

“So should we get the whole thing over with?” taking a swing from his bourbon glass, the Don shot her a look “You kiss the ring, and I’ll be on my way, and you can return to… whatever this is?” 

Narrowing her eyes, and widening her smile, she held his gaze in return. “Actually -HEY”

Sh was interrupted by seeing one of Tonio’s bodyguards grabbing one of the waitress's wrists, Oswin jumped from her seat on the secluded couch.

Turning around to probe the spectacle, the Don only laughed in response. 

“Relax. He’s just having a little fun. Besides - if you want this relationship to work out, you’ll have to learn to share.” Still chuckling, he took another swing of his drink.

Staring daggers, Oswin searched the waitress’s eyes and slightly nodded once she saw her return the look. “It’s fine, boss, really” she reassured with forced friendliness, wrenching her hand free.

“See? She likes it. So stop acting so -” Tonio made a vague hand gesture in Oswin’s general direction.

Sitting back down, forcing herself to ignore the smug grin blooming on the bodyguard’s face, she refocused her attention on her business partner.

“As I was saying, actually” she lifted her own glass “I have a toast to make first.”

Instead of taking a sip, she let her nails clang against the side of it. 

“On prosperous business. And may the ring be worn by those best suited.”

With that the adjacent tables turned over in a flourish, and the seated patrons turned in unison, pointing weapons of various make at the mob boss and his entourage. 

The gasps of the further away onlookers quickly shushed into a nervous murmur, and finally died down completely. Oswin breathed a sigh of relief. Quiet at long last. 

“You think you can threaten  _ me _ , ON MY OWN TURF?” Don Tonio basically spat the words, slamming his glass on the table.

“Oh Tony, sweetness.” she replied, words dripping with honey “The Diamond district is  _ my _ turf. Has been for weeks.” she looked at her helpful staff intermixed with her paid and glamorous help. “Nobody has told you I guess, hmmm. Pity.” Her eyes trailed from her former partner to his fellow men. “You are in  _ my _ home. We can talk  _ my _ terms, or you so much as twitch...” she trailed off. “What will it be?”

“You think you will get away with this? You? The slut everyone knows can do nothing but steal and bribe and f-” a shot rang out, cutting his speech short, and turned his voice into nothing but a howl. He fell to his knees, clutching his destroyed tendons.

“Wrong answer. Lienette, if you may?” her eyes locked onto the waitress who gleefully unholstered a gun from under her skirt, and snarled at the bodyguards, frozen in mid-motion, as she made her way toward the doubled over Don. She leant down teasingly and grabbed his not-at-all-concealed weapon, throwing it Oswin’s way, before running her hands down his form, looking for further concealed ones. She stopped shortly before reaching the flesh wound, only to dig her fingers in with vigor moments later.

***

Edie had heard the commotion and quickly pressed towards the stairs. Most onlookers were frozen, and the staff waving guns in everyone's faces certainly presented very good arguments for staying exactly where they were.

They’d have liked to see the whole scene play out themselves, but, ducking in the shadows, checking their illuminated wrist watch, they couldn’t deny that time was of the essence.

If anything Ed was incredibly grateful to the small business owner for choosing today to unthrone the Don. Nobody would have any mind to check for them under the st- 

A gun pressed to Edie’s back made them drop the thought.  


"Well, what do you call a baby riffle?" they thought darkly to themselves.

Running through various excuses and inconspicuous ways to defuse the situation AND get away, all they could come up with was “I’m sorry, is this the way to the kitchen?”

Instead of an engaging reply, that could have spurred them on to do a bit  _ better _ with their creative improv next time, all Edie got was a grunted “Hands up and don’t move.”

“But you see, Sir, I am just a bit hungry I don’t know why that’s such an off-” 

“Quiet. The Madame will sort things out and then you can go.”

“That isn’t very good customer s-”

“QUIET!”

Closing their eyes and taking a deep breath in Ed tried to sort their thoughts. Once that timer ran out they wanted to be anywhere but at the open end of that gun. To be fair, they wanted to be anywhere but on this floor when that happened.

“Listen, I really, really need to eat something or my blood sugar will drop and I will faint and then I will fall down the stairs and hit my head open and it will be such a mess to clean up and I will require permanent aid and I will sue this establishment to the ground and-” they rattled this information down in one breath.

The waiter, who had been straining to hear the exchange upstairs, cursed under his breath and shoved a hand into his apron pocket “Here’s a lolly. Now. Shut. Up.” 

A hoarse scream drew both their attention back to where the commotion had started.

Well. Crud.

***

Three more shots rang out and the thud of three bodies hitting the floor followed shortly after.

The howling had turned into hate filled babbling. Oswin took a few tentative steps, then stopped and let her eyes sweep over the crowd. Nobody moved, except for Linette who had respectfully stepped back. No noise, save for the stream of cursing, the mechanical whir from downstairs, the music doodling from the PA, and the occasional firework exploding outside - everything was blissfully quiet.

She closed the distance, and squatted down next to Tonio. Hate contorted his features, and a saintlike smile bloomed across Oswins face in response. He swiped for her, but like a naughty child, she simply slapped his hand down mid motion.

“Na. Don’t make this worse on yourself. Dignity never hurt anyone.”

The only response she got was a growl that suspiciously sounded a lot like “you bitsssh”, followed by a ball of spit landing in front of her feet.

She let out a long sigh. 

What followed happened so fast it felt more like muscle memory than premeditation.

Oswin grabbed Tonio by the hair, pulled up his head to expose his throat and leaned in close as she produced a small knife.

“I gave you so many chances. Now it’s time you start behaving or we have to shortcut this. Do you understand? Give me a little nod if you do.” 

Shooting her a hate filled look, straining, Tonio tried to move his head downwards only to stop when he felt the cold metal of the blade.

Oswin chuckled. “No, no. I need you to show me you mean it.”

A horrified gasp from the crowd momentarily snapped Oswin back to the place they were in.

Leaning in, leaving the knife pressed against his adam’s apple, she whispered into Tonio’s ear “Maybe we should move this to a more private place, hm?”

Turning to the shocked onlookers she smiled sweetly. “Next round is on the house, and I think we can all agree that tricks of the light can be so distressing in combination with the fireworks outside, can’t they.”

Looking back at her staff she sighed “Ugh. Shame such a mess for no-”

A rumbling from downstairs interrupted her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A: Son of a gun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh. This turned out a lot more graphic than I intended? Happy new year???  
> For some reason I thought I could finish this in two chapters, but having no idea about nothing, this got away from me more than I expected?!

When the whir became louder and louder and finally turned into a steady low rumble, Edie's face grew pale. Turning to their current captor they saw confusion and worry bloom across his features.

Now.

Before they could even come up with a distraction, some distant wailing and cursing grew louder. With a shout of "YOU. STAY THERE." the waiter briskly shoved the lanky figure against the railing and ran back upstairs on his own accord.

Strained coughing and panicked murmurs gave Ed a good idea of what was happening on the upper floor right now. Small clouds were wafting down the first steps already.

Righting themselves and dashing down the rest of the stairs, Edie could make out a few hazy backlit figures unsteadily leaving the general kitchen area.

Fuck fuck fuck. The timing was all off now. If they gave it an earnest try they still might make it for -  
The rumbling stopped and was replaced by a low whistling sound.  
Well, so much for that.

***

When the shakes had passed, Oswin rose to her feet once more, and took in the situation unfolding before her.

Various patrons had fallen to the floor, while others were staggering uncertainly. The effects seemed to be worse the closer people were to the lavatories next to the stairs, and whatever it was, spread from there out slowly towards the private corner Oswin had scheduled the meeting in.

Tonio's men had barely moved (who'd have thought), while the man himself had managed to crawl a few paces away from her, towards the banister.

Some members of her staff had taken a protective stance around their employer, while a few hired helpers had started to scramble away. But, regardless of their position, they all started to show signs of weakening knees as well, as some had started stumbling and were visibly straining to stay on their feet.

Oswin herself didn't feel great, but a mix of spite and anger fuelled her and let her keep a hold of her senses.  
She made after the fallen Don.

“Don’t leave so soon, we’re not done yet” she panted, making to take hold of the back of his shirt.

With the vigor of a hurt animal, Tonio all but roared when he whirled around, grabbing her by the wrist. Pulling her down, he in turn fisted his hand into her long strands of hair. Holding her in place by the scalp he hissed close to her face, flying droplets of spit underlining each word.

“You fucking bitch. You will pay for this, you’re gonna beg for death once I’m through with y -”

Sinking the knife, still glued to her hand, into Tonio’s side momentarily interrupted his train of thought. An anguished scream followed, alongside his hand loosening its grip in her hair, and instead searching for her throat. Undeterred when fingers clasped around her neck, she drove the knife in, again and again, ignoring his tightening grip, and his face contorted with pure unadulterated hatred.

Slowly her vision started to blur and lifting her arm grew more and more strenuous. Finally she felt the fingers go slack, just as helping hands pried them away from her neck. Drinking in deep breaths and coughing them back up, when she felt the crawling miasma enter her lungs. She was dizzy and a distant ringing in her ears didn't help. However, when she felt somebody trying to help her up, she shook their hands off.

Still straddling the cursing and hissing mass, she watched, satisfied, as streaks of red ran from the corners of his mouth, his arms pinned left and right from him by her helpful employees as he fixed her with a furious gaze.

Leaning forward, cupping his right hand gently between her own, she croaked “Why, I thought you'd never ask. Yes I do - want it all“ as she slipped the ring from his finger.

Unsteadily righting herself, she finally accepted the offered hands for assistance. After mustering the mangled body before her, she tightened her grip and, with a fluid motion, brought her foot down on Don Tonio's neck, crushing his windpipe.

A whistling cut through the cacophony of anguish, as everything turned to black.

***

They needed to get to the hidden wood panel between the stage and kitchen, and with that to the sub levels as soon as possible.

“Miss, you can’t be here. … not… safe...”

Yeesh, what a hero. Bless his heart. Here’s hoping this one wouldn’t experience the side effects.

Narrowly avoiding running into the coughing kitchen staff, Ed pulled out a small respirator from the insides of their jacket and ran on as the lights turned off.

Not stopping, they lifted their hand to their face and pressed a button on the side of their glasses. A screen flickered on immediately over the inner frames, and outlined everything in dark green contours.

Some things could be relied on at least.

***

Clutching the ring in her blood slick fist, Oswin leaned over the reiling. Her head still swam, but it felt as though getting any kind of fresh air, imaginary as it might be, helped her stay on her feet.

The lights that danced in swirling patterns and circles on the floor below, had shifted in color and rhythm. Now, instead of featuring ever changing snowflakes and stars in soft blue hues; black and green geometric shapes were crawling in erratic patterns over the floor. The penguins’ glass enclosure still served as a visual center piece, but now felt more like it was covered in darkness and seemed to radiate miasmic evil.

When worry momentarily crossed Oswin’s mind, thinking of her fledgelings, she reassured herself that the enclosure could only be accessed from the sub level, connected to the supply tunnels and storage units. She consoled herself that the birds were most likely the most safe creatures under this roof tonight.

***

Edie reassured themselves that at this point it should be simple. It didn’t go as planned, it wouldn’t be as glamorous, but it would be fine. In and out, and then… and then… foregoing the gratificating ordeal of being known. They could deal with that. Surely.

Having wasted precious seconds getting turned around in the dark, they went into a full on sprint to make up for lost time. Coming to a screeching halt before the glass door granting entry to the penguins’ enclosure, Edie had to mentally retrace their steps until the combination came back to them. What do penguins eat? 3-4-7-4.

Vengeful honking welcomed them, alongside a cold shiver.

Making their way towards the artificial iceberg, Edie raised their eyes to trail the rounded, encapsulating glass walls.

The pen was built in a way that the penguins were able to hide and nest in different columns of the raised mountain, as well as an expanse invisible to what must be the Lounge’s ground floor. No patron suspected to dine above a sleeping bird, but the image was quite endearing, even Edie had to admit. Then there was the mountain itself, not so much ice as artificial snow plastered thickly over whatever the supporting structure was made of, with a small path leading up, up, up - almost reaching up to the second floor. On the other side, guarded by glass walls was the swimming pool. Nestled smugly between mountain and glass enclosure, patrons were able to watch the penguins dive while going about their evening.

And then, there they - were beautifully stacked fake rocks. Guarded by a displeased Waddle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you so much Milk for beta'ing most of this!


End file.
